


friends don't kiss friends

by wineandsoju



Series: nohyuck kisses [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, friend group that dates each other, poor use of metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 13:20:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20601452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wineandsoju/pseuds/wineandsoju
Summary: “Why do you touch meMaking me feel this wayIf you're not gonna hold meIn your warm embrace”In which Jeno is convinced that kissing is not something that friends do.





	friends don't kiss friends

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by nohyuck's almost kiss from the [190910 vlive](https://www.vlive.tv/video/149247?channelCode=F3C16D)
> 
> best read while listening to Studio Black and Emily Burns' [Friends Don't Kiss Friends](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEujRczWGFs&ab_channel=NewMelody)

_ Why do you touch me? _

_ Making me feel this way _

Jeno has a dilemma.

He stares at the ceiling of his hotel room—the same one he's sharing with the person who's crudely been stealing his thoughts. It's his fault, really. He already knew what might happen the moment he rested his chin on Donghyuck's shoulder. He knew he was playing a dangerous game.

It's a game he keeps on losing.

If someone were to ask him when he started suffering, he'd say he didn't know. He'd say feelings are complicated, and he wouldn't want to spend too much time musing on things he didn't understand.

Oh, but he did understand.

Jeno knows exactly when things changed for him.

When he asked Doyoung how falling in love happens, he was met with a poetic speech about how it's gradual and so subtle that you wouldn't even know when it hits you, that it just does, and that you'll be in too deep before you realize it. 

The older told him it was akin to a rain cloud that's been looming over the city, dark and conspicuous in contrast with the bright sky. It slowly spreads across the atmosphere and lets tiny droplets of water fall little by little: drizzle, then rain, and then it lets out the storm that it's been brewing. Next thing you know, there's a flood rushing through your whole being and if you can't control it, you'll be stuck waiting for the rainbow at the end.

It was different for Jeno.

Falling in love with Donghyuck wasn't gradual at all. It was an unforeseen and inevitable sudden downpour, and it took mere seconds for Jeno to get drenched in it. 

Doyoung was right about one thing, though. He's been stuck waiting for brighter days, waiting when the rain would stop pouring down on him.

It was almost two years ago, almost two years since that kiss.

They were in LA to film their music video for _ Go_, and everything was new to him. The sights, the faces, the emotions—he was unaccustomed to them all.

The beginning was familiar, however. 

Mark was there to help them with most of it: interpreting for them when they get lost in translation, pacifying them when things got too chaotic, and all over just being the leader that he was made to be.

Chenle and Jisung were there, lost in their own world as per usual. They made their presence known from time to time, pulling pranks here and there just to get a laugh out of everyone.

Jaemin was his most familiar. He was there to hold his hand when things got too overwhelming. He was there to pull him into a warm hug when they both felt the cold, and he was there to whisper words that reminded him of home. He was home when Jaemin was there beside him.

Renjun was there, even when Jeno thought he wouldn't be. He was there to remind him that they were friends first, before their short relationship went awry. He was still there to pull him back into reality, like he always did, when Jeno got too lost in his thoughts. He was there to help him, as he did back when they were just friends, like he did when they were more, and now that they were back to what they were before.

_ Donghyuck. _

Donghyuck was there being the sunshine that he is. He knew how to make Jeno smile. He knew just what to do and say to make his lips curve up and turn his eyes into crescents. He knew what makes Jeno happy. He was his best friend, after all.

But friends don't kiss friends.

Friends don't catch friends off guard when you're supposed to be working, acting out a fighting scene for a short video. They don't press their lips onto yours and run away, leaving you standing still for a moment, trying to process what just happened. They don't make you chase after them while the storm comes crashing down on your heart.

A few seconds was all it took Jeno to know.

When he was chasing Donghyuck down the street illuminated by movie lights, he knew. The short moment he stood still thinking of what his _ friend _did, he knew. He knew that his feet were taking him to him whose laugh was flowing through the air because he wanted to meet him somewhere. He wanted to meet him at the crossroads between being friends and something more.

But he couldn't.

Friends don't kiss friends.

Donghyuck wasn't just a friend to him anymore.

Jeno didn't think it was a losing game he was playing at first. He was _ sure _that kiss, short as it was, meant something. So he played. He played to his heart's content.

He started off subtle: stolen glances, soft touches, fingers finding their way onto the other's. Simple things that evolved into something more daring: lingering gazes, quiet whispers of hidden feelings, hands grasping onto Donghyuck's and never letting go. 

If the boy ever heard the gentle words of fondness that escaped Jeno's lips through his airy voice, he didn't let him know.

"You look nice today," he whispered. "Like you always do."

Donghyuck smiled and let his fingers dance with Jeno's, but he didn't say anything.

"You smell good."

On another day, Jeno nuzzled into the boy's nape, taking in his scent. He smelled like petrichor, and Jeno wished that was a signal that the storm would soon be over.

"You're comfortable," he said when he held him closer, arms resting around his waist. 

Donghyuck's giggle and the way he leaned into his embrace told Jeno that this game he'd been playing wouldn't let him end in defeat. The way the other's hands capture his said he was a winner. Still, words didn't escape Donghyuck's lips.

Jeno counted the days, the months. He counted how long he'd been stuck in wonder.

Three times.

Three times they'd almost gotten there.

When Jeno felt brave enough to be close, _ so close _ that he could feel the other's breath on his lips, he wondered who would finally close the gap and send them back to that day. He thought it should be Donghyuck. He'd already done it before. It would be easy for him.

But it wasn't.

Jeno waited for him, but he waited for nothing. 

Another time it was Donghyuck who went near. Sure, he was rambling about how Jeno should really be more vocal about his feelings. His words came rushing after each other, saying how it gets _ so frustrating _ when it was _ so obvious _Jeno wanted to say something, but he never did.

Jeno listened. He heard his friend's frantic voice as he watched the way his mouth moved as quickly as the words left his lips. He watched until they stopped moving. Then, his eyes wandered upwards, and he saw.

He saw where the other's eyes were focused. He knew what he needed to do. It was supposed to be him. He should be the one who breached the space between them. He shouldn't just let the flood simmer around him. 

He took a rigid breath and leaned in, but it was too late.

Donghyuck had already stepped back.

"I'm sorry," his words were honest.

Jeno was losing.

He told himself he should stop playing. It had gone on for too long, and he was still drowning. He decided it was better to quit while he still had it in him to pull himself up from the torrent.

But he couldn't help himself.

Not when he could feel the other's warmth right beside him. Not when the boy's mere presence is pulling him to just push further, just a little bit, and maybe the sky would be light blue again.

That was just a couple of hours ago.

They were all sat in a hotel room, emotions high from meeting the fans in Indonesia. They thanked them, but they felt it would never be enough. They told them they loved them, and the words didn't amount to how much they exactly felt at that moment.

They talked about what the fans wanted to know. They laughed in awe when Jisung spied the little note Renjun wrote on his palm again, saying he loved the fans—something he wasn't able to say in front of them.

Jeno tried to hold it in, he really did. He knew nothing good would come out if he let his thoughts out, if he didn't control his mind from spilling. He thought he did a good job of keeping his feelings unknown.

He thought that, but his actions told a different story. 

He thought that Jisung lying in front of them, just close enough to be a barrier, was of no matter. It was nothing unusual. They had done this many times before.

But when Donghyuck's hand found its way onto the youngest's shoulder, he couldn't think. There was a storm pouring on his heavy heart after all. He thought he was being inconspicuous with the way he snatched the boy's hand, thought it wasn't obvious when he tried to bite on it. It was all so fuzzy to him, his body acting on its own.

The storm kept on showering on his rationality even when Jisung and Chenle left the broadcast. 

It kept flooding his thoughts because by then, Renjun stole the space left by Chenle. He stole Donghyuck's attention along with it.

Jeno understood he shouldn't feel that way, but he did. He shouldn't be jealous, but he was.

He knew he shouldn't be begging for attention, but he did so anyway. If he were thinking sensibly, he wouldn't be like this, resting his chin on the boy's shoulder. He would have known it was a dangerous game he was playing.

And he was losing.

When Donghyuck turned his way, he got what he wanted… but not exactly. 

A few seconds.

A few seconds was all it took for the boy to face him, for their noses to meet, for their lips to _ almost _brush against each other.

Cheeks red, voice shaking, heart racing.

Jeno knew the feeling all too well.

Mind hazy, eyes unsteady, palms clammy.

He really shouldn't have taunted his chances of winning.

That was a couple of hours ago, and now Jeno's still stuck in this inundation of thoughts and feelings.

_ "You have really got to keep your feelings in check," _ Renjun pulled him away from his reverie when the stream ended and Jeno was hiding in his head once more. _ "Whatever this is, this little thing you've been playing, it has got to stop." _

_ "Just do something, for fuck's sake," _ Jaemin said, exasperated. _ "We all know you two won't stop this rat chase unless one of you speaks up." _

_ "And we know Donghyuck is too all up in his head to actually say something," _the oldest continues.

Jeno promised them he would. He told them it was high time he acted on it, that he was tired of running, exhausted from chasing their friend ever since that day.

They wished him good luck, and that if things didn't go his way they'd be there for him. He doesn't remember precisely what he said to them after that. Maybe he just shrugged, or maybe he thanked them as he watched their backs fade in the distance. 

Perhaps he wished he could be as brave as they are when he saw their hands clasped with each other's, when he witnessed the tiny kisses they pressed on the back of their hands as they walked away from him.

"Jeno."

Donghyuck just got out of the shower and his presence melts the barrier his mind built around him. The boy takes a seat beside him and it surges through his mind how he still smells like petrichor.

Jeno feels everything all at once: the way his heart races when the other rests his head on his shoulder this time, the way his mind clouds up with thoughts of him—of _ them _—being too close for comfort yet again, and the way his eyes tear up as uncertainty flows in him.

"Donghyuck," his voice betrays him with how it comes out high-pitched. "I don't understand."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

He notes the finger scribbling on his palm, and it shoots shivers up his arm and into his whole body. The tears still threaten to escape his eyes.

"Why?" Jeno thought he knew the answer to that question, but everything that has happened so far has left him unsure. "Why did you do… why do we do things that friends _ shouldn't _ do?"

"You're asking something that already has the answer to it," the statement isn't an answer in itself. 

"What do you _ mean_?" this time, Jeno doesn't even have the energy to stop his voice from lilting at the end of his sentence.

"Let me help you understand."

That's when Jeno realizes he doesn't need the other to say it in words because all of his questions are answered with the way the boy places his hand on his cheek, drawing him to face him. Jeno doesn't need to hear him speak, when his lips are so close to his. He doesn't need anything else when _ finally _it happens.

They're finally pulled back to the memories left by that day.

Unlike that time, this kiss lingers. Their lips settle attached to each other for a few seconds, letting everything flow through them. The words left unsaid, the feelings that used to lean on the edge, and the months that they wasted skirting around their own complications, they're all sent and thrown away when they ultimately meet in the middle.

They move in sync, stealing each other's presence with the cadence of their lips, hands traveling places they haven't been before, when they were both afraid to traverse the path beyond friendship.

Neither knows who pulls aways first.

Cheeks red, lips swollen, hearts racing.

Suddenly the feeling wasn't painful anymore.

Jeno's eyes form crescents, the same shape reflected on his lips, before the two of them meet on their way to each other again. He's still smiling into the kiss, and he takes every bit of Donghyuck in.

The boy is giggling, and the way his lips tremble while still glued onto Jeno's own makes the latter sigh in content. He breathes in every little piece of Donghyuck's presence.

He's beautiful, he's warm, and he smells like petrichor.

Jeno runs his hand through the other's hair when they settle down, catching their breaths once more.

"Remember when you had rainbow hair?" 

The younger hums, mind still hazy.

"I just think it suits you so well."

Jeno doesn't have to wait for bright skies to come to him again. He knows there will always be a storm in his heart.

_ Friends don't kiss friends. _

"You're not _ just _ my _ friend_, Jeno." 

Jeno doesn't need to ask the question anymore, but he got all the answers he needed that night.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> you can catch me on [twt](https://twitter.com/tsunderensung) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/renjisung)


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